Service at Suntec was fun, glad that my sitting location was comfortable.
went to justacia to have our dinner after service, stay there for hours cracking jokes and chatted etc. And thanks Youngest sister to come to Tampines Mall to take back laptop and my clothes back home =D

and when hundred and thousand happiness fall into my life for hours
something happened that really cause all my feeling to feel totally emotional down. Feel super angry and sad, and it has been like months since I have been really angry. And you, you make it. You sucess in making me angry, in letting my tears drop down, in letting me to hurt myself, in letting me to have a nightwalk after so long, in making me SINS so much. What a wonderful thing that you have make, how about giving you ten claps on these thing that you had make me???
Just feel way down to the level of not coming to there, in thinking negative when I knew that I should stop all these negative thought, but I didn. I just let it flow through my mind, to let me think all negatively. Feeling helpless in who I should call for help/concern. And really thanks Cassie, you have help me even though I never accomplish my promises times, sorry. I feel guilty when I ask for your comfort, but still, you never take it to heart. Sorry~
And seriously, I hate the word "WAIT", everytime this word will be heard when I talk to you on the phone, I might as well don call you since you are that busy.

Thanks for one and only friend in church that I have entrust my problem to you. And thanks you alot to lend me a listening ear to hear about my problem, you are really such a great friend. Whoever have you as a best friend would really be blessed. Thanks so much for Cassie and friend.

And........
what am I purpose to tell Counsellor about mum not wanting to go hospital with me when the doctor say it is a "must". Give up and continue to live a life with SA? To really die someday when I kant take the SA?
You all will never know how scary it may be
to really perservere these all fear
even if these attack just last for 5-10 minutes.
you all thought that it's not that scary
but are you all me???
it's load of fear casting on me
just like forcing me very hard to jumb down a building
to end everything in this world...
just like a call from heaven/hell
asking me to come~
it may seem stupid to think these way
but it just sound how scary it may be
Without family support toward this fear
life just somehow seem to be uneven...

it's all a small wish I hope to come through
but why just it's seem so difficult for eu all???

she just feel tons of sour tears coming out of her eyes.
helpless at times
just hoping to really entrust all her life problem to a friend whom she can trust totally
to lead a fearless life with full of joy
always recieving message that she doesn want it to be like that
to not alway ask for the thing that she want.
to really wonders at times whether they truely love me

just a thousand miles away~

Labels: sour tears... just leave me alone in one corner

♥